Most people don't change; this means that most people haven't truly lived. So, are you truly living?
"The most unfortunate thing in life is not having changed."
Change is a fear for those who lack the courage to change.
Most people around you don't believe they can be a better version of themselves. This option is not possible for them. Therefore, there are very few people around us who undergo changes significant enough to surprise us.
I find this situation painful. No matter who you are or where you were born, we all grow up in a limited environment. Our paradigms are shaped by the belief patterns of this environment. If we want to make a difference and grow, we need to step out of our shell.
Stepping out of the shell is a challenging experience. Especially if no one around you has accomplished this, you constantly question yourself, "Can I really achieve this?" and consider giving up multiple times. When you look at those around you who haven't taken this difficult path, their choices suddenly seem very appealing. However, if you've developed immunity to pain, you overcome this feeling.
You experience this feeling multiple times throughout the process of change. Sometimes this process is long, sometimes short. But once you cross that line where you no longer care about the pain, you experience this feeling less frequently.
Those who lack the courage to change judge those who do.
I was chatting with a friend of mine and she told me how much a mutual friend of ours had changed. She was uncomfortable with this situation, but I thought it was a very good thing. Because what she meant by change was taking better care of herself, looking nicer, and loving herself.
You've probably witnessed similar conversations. In every group of friends, there is always someone who gets "accused" of changing. Maybe that person is you. If so, you should accept that change is natural and necessary. Of course, we will change over time; everyone does, except the dead.
However, change is a source of fear for those who lack the courage to change. Therefore, they do not like to see people around them who have shown this courage. They judge them and often gossip about them.
Your childhood friends don't know you.
Because I grew up in a small town, I had many friends as a child. We used to play games and get into mischief together. In fact, many of us went to the same high school. When we moved on to university, our paths diverged. I still keep in touch with some of them. However, when I run into childhood friends or someone who used to know me, I often find that they don’t recognize me.
They know the me from my childhood, and as the conversation progresses, it feels like we are strangers meeting again. This feeling is often uncomfortable, so we usually stick to talking about old memories. This way, we find something to talk about and feel happy.
Whenever a topic about my current self comes up or I express my thoughts, their reactions indicate that it doesn’t resonate with them. They don’t have big dreams or adventurous experiences. Their expectations and desires from life are very limited. Naturally, because they see me as being like them, I constantly surprise them.
So, you may have come a lot further than you think. We often don’t realize this because we mostly compare where we want to be with our current situation. But in reality, we have changed much more than we think.
Feeling of Loneliness.
The further you go, the more the past becomes alien. Events from your past feel as if they happened to someone you know very well rather than to you. People you once knew become both familiar and foreign. You know who they are and have witnessed much of their lives, but they don’t recognize you. Over time, you notice that you often talk about the same topics or only discuss the past. When current topics come up, the person looks at you as if you were a complete stranger.
This situation can lead to a sense of loneliness because there are no longer people around you who speak the same language as you. Here’s the trap: you need to make a choice before crossing the boundary. You either fully reveal your new self and reconnect with the people you once knew, or you allow this feeling to take over and become a fragmented personality. You become the old you with people you once knew and yourself with people you have just met.
Fragmentation is a trap you should avoid. It leads to an identity confusion in your mind, consumes a lot of energy, and diverts you from your path.
If you are at this stage, you should cross the boundary and start living according to the values of your new identity. People will adapt to this situation much more quickly than you might think. Those who cannot adapt may be on a different frequency, and you might need to leave them behind.
If you are at this stage, you need to cross the boundary and start living according to the values of your new identity.
Change is not something that happens suddenly; it is a process. You plant seeds in your mind and the more you feed them, the more they grow. Before you know it, these seeds have already progressed to a certain stage. After this stage, if you want the change to be permanent, you need to reflect your new self in your daily life and personality. If you do not reflect your new knowledge and awareness to the outside world and manifest your values, your transformation will not be successful. On the contrary, you will find yourself in a bigger impasse than before.
Most people know what is right and what needs to be done, but they are afraid and lack the courage to make the change. Therefore, be brave and reveal the magnificent uniqueness and magic of your true self.
You have improved much more than you thought.
Often, we don't realize how much we have changed because we look at where we want to be and our current situation. However, we have actually changed much more than we think.
Do you remember that event from three years ago that upset you so much? At that time, you were very worried, scared, and didn't know what to do. But now, does the same event still affect you? If you were to experience the same thing today, what would your reaction be? Would you stay calmer and handle things, or would you feel stress and have a stomachache?
Stop comparing yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you were three years ago or one year ago. What did you do right, and what did you do wrong? At what stage are you, and could you have done better? This way, you can measure yourself more accurately and be kinder to yourself. Stop criticizing yourself harshly. Whatever you want to achieve, you cannot do it without being yourself. Show yourself the same care you show to others.
The results will tell you much less than the progress you make throughout the process. Who are you? Where were you born, and what was your childhood like? What were your worst experiences, and how did you overcome them? Did you have people who supported you, or were you a lone warrior? Did you carve out a life for yourself beyond the people around you? What have you learned along the way? Evaluate yourself considering all this and more, and embrace yourself. Everyone deserves this; life is truly tough. But you are a person, and your innate struggle and magic are within you. Find it and use all your experience to make it something. Humanity needs your magic, and I need you.
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Aysel- I appreciate this deep dive into the meaning of truly living. Hope you’re well this week? Cheers, -Thalia